


Munch-letoe

by tiedyeflag



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: 505 mentioned, Christmas, Kisses, M/M, Mistletoe, bh clueless to human customs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 08:30:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13027194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiedyeflag/pseuds/tiedyeflag
Summary: It's the holiday season, and Black Hat inc. is deciding to celebrate. However, Black Hat learns something interesting about his favorite holiday snack...





	Munch-letoe

Flug stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he delicately placed a blood red Christmas ball onto the pine tree. The branch bent slightly under the weight, and he could see his distorted red reflection on the shiny ornament. Standing back, his eyes took in the entire tree. Black Hat despised everything Christmas stood for, but Demencia had somehow convinced him to allow a few decorations this year, with the only exception that they be blood red and they put a demon on the treetop instead of an angel or star. Flug had to admit the tree didn’t look too bad; shiny red orbs, candy canes in the shape of Black Hat’s cane, and string of animal teeth circling around the tree like popcorn strings. And although they couldn’t find any demon decorations, they settled for placing a tiny top hat at the top of the tree.

A Christmas tree worthy of a villain.

“Fluuuuuuug!!” came a high pitched screech down the hall. Flug turned around and saw Demencia dashing towards him carrying a large cardboard box.

Flug sighed. “Please tell me you didn’t get electrocuted by the Christmas lights again.”

“No! I’m all done with those, silly! I can’t wait to see them tonight!!” She squealed. “Anyway, have you seen the mistletoe?”

“Mistletoe?”

“Yeah, me and 505 got a whole box full of them! But look!” She shoved the box in Flug’s face. It was empty, save for the lingering smell of pine and a few leaves. “They’re gone!!”

“Well, I didn’t take them,” said Flug. He paused to think, then paled. “Y--You don’t think F--Fives ate them?”

“I dunno. Can you eat mistletoe?”

“Y--Yes, but some varieties are very poisonous!” Flug pulled at the top of his bag as if he were tugging the hair out of his scalp. “Oh nononoNONO--”

“Fluggie, chill,” Demencia patted his face, an awkward comfort. “He can’t die, remember? It’d take more than food poisoning to kill the big blueberry.”

“O--Oh yeah, phew,” Flug leaned against the wall in relief.

“So if you didn’t take them, and Fives didn’t eat them, then that leaves…” She gasped, “Blackie!!”

“I’m assuming that’s why you bought the mistletoe,”

“Yep!” Demencia pinched her cheeks as she giggled. “I’m gonna get sooooo many smoochies, and you can’t say no under a mistletoe! Gonna put them over every door in here! But,” She tapped her chin, “If Blackie took them, then maybe...maybe he’s gonna use them to kiss  _ me!!!” _ She squealed so hard it nearly broke Flug’s goggles.

“Or incinerate them,”

“In-sin-what now?”

“Burn to ashes,”

Demencia wailed, “Nooooo!!” She shook her head with a scowl. “Nope, I’m gonna stop him! And kiss him before he does!!” With that, she sprinted away, her green ponytail trailing behind her like a flag.

Flug gulped; as annoying as she was, he worried what punishment laid in store for her at Black Hat’s hand. 

Come to think of it, where  _ was _ Black Hat?

* * *

 

Flug wandered down the halls as he looked for Black Hat. He needed to speak with him for which inventions to launch for the holiday sale. Oddly, Flug heard noises from the TV room; one of the few rooms in the mansion that had a TV, and the one for everyone to use. When he heard the sounds of televised screams, he knew it couldn’t be 505 watching it. Flug peeked inside and saw a familiar black hat above the crimson couch. 

Black Hat sat in the middle of the cushions, legs propped atop the matching ottoman, one arm thrown across the back of the couch. The television was playing a Christmas themed horror movie with an ugly elf chasing a skinny actress with a candy cane sharpened to a point. When blood splattered on the screen, Black Hat roared with laughter. Then he shoved something into his mouth. He crunched it between his teeth, then swallowed. 

“S--Sir?” asked Flug as he approached.

Black Hat used one of his claws as a toothpick and picked at his teeth. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“S--Sorry, sir! I--I was just wondering if--if you wanted to discuss the holiday sale?” Flug stuttered. “M--Maybe later?”

“Fine,” Black Hat huffed. He buried his hand into a bowl next to him.

“Th--That’s great, si...Huh?” Flug’s eyes widened behind his goggles. “Um, sir?”

“What?”

“Are you eating what--what I think you’re eating?”

Black Hat lifted a handful from his bowl. Dark green leaves with white berries sat in his hand. “What does it look like?”

“Mistletoe?”

“They’re only accessible this time of year, and I find them quite tasty,” Black Hat stuffed his handful into his mouth. Tiny leaves stuck out from the corners of his mouth as he crushed the berries with his fangs. He grabbed one and held it out to Flug with a smile. “Want one?”

“Oh! N--No thank you, sir,” Flug fingered the rim of his bag. “Actually, those are p--poisonous to humans, so…”

“Fair enough,” Black Hat shrugged and plopped it onto his tongue. “Can’t have my least useless idiot dead by food poisoning. What a humiliating way to die!” He guffawed.

“Do you, um, know what people use mistletoe for, sir?”

“Hm?” Black Hat arched a brow.

“W--Well, for those who celebrate Christmas, it’s a tradition to hang mistletoe above their doors and--and--”

“And what?”

“If--If two people are under it, then you have to--to--to kiss them,”

Black Hat choked, then spat out chewed up leaves and acid. Coughing and heaving, he grimaced. “ _ Blegh! _ Disgusting!”

“H--Hence the reason they’re only available around this time of ye--” 

Claws snared at Flug’s shirt and yanked him to Black Hat’s face. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner, you imbecile?!”

“S--sorry, I’m sorry, I--I had no idea you ate mistletoe!” whimpered Flug. 

Black Hat narrowed his eyes. “Does Dementia know this?”

“S--She’s been looking for the mistletoe all morning,”

He let go of Flug with a groan. “That blasted girl...She doesn’t even brush her teeth! Ugh!!”

“Believe me, sir, I don’t like it, either. W--What if I get stuck with her under one? Or with 505? Or--”

“Can you even kiss?”

Flug blinked. “E--Excuse me?”

“I said, can you even kiss?” Black Hat poked at Flug’s bag.

“I--Uh--Well, yes. I’d just have to move my bag a bit, I--I guess,” Flug said. “C--Can you?”

To Flug’s surprise, all the color drained from Black Hat’s face. His fingers tightened into fists then wiggled as his shoulders tensed like coiled springs. 

“Wait...have you ever...kissed someone?” asked Flug.

“Demons do  _ not _ kiss!” shouted Black Hat. “We are not an affectionate species in the slightest!!”

“S--So I assumed…”

“...How do you do it?”

“What?”

“Kiss,”

Flug’s face burned, his blush somehow leaking past his bag. Swallowing to generate saliva in his dry mouth, he lifted the edge of his bag with a shaking hand. When just his chapped lips were visible, he stopped and said, “You purse your lips like this.” He puckered up and pointed at his lips.

Black Hat stared at them before he attempted to do the same, only his dark, thin lips went out too far. He reminded Flug of a horse; Flug did his best to hold in his laugh.

“N--Not quite like that. Try--Try saying, ‘ooooh’,”

The demon narrowed his eyes into a piercing glare that read ‘fine-but-you-tell-no-one-OR-ELSE’ before they rolled. He silently repeated the vowel, making his lips appear far more appealing. They looked softer than the rest of his skin this way…

“Yes, that’s it, sir. And finally, you...you press your lips against the other person’s.” Flug scratched his cheek. “Or--Or their cheek. Or forehead, or--or anywhere, depending on the context!”

“An’ un’er t’e ‘is’le’oe?” Black Hat said with his lips still pursed.

“W--Well, most people just kiss on the cheek or lips under the mistletoe,”

Flug flinched when Black Hat’s hands landed on his shoulders, claw tips barely piercing his white lab coat. Those claws yanked him closer until his chest brushed against Black Hat’s, and their lips an inch apart. Flug parted his lips to squeak, but before he could, a pair of cool, smooth lips clamped against Flug’s. Eyes widening, face flushing, heart stopping, Flug stood there as frozen as a statue. His sky high IQ plummeted as his mind screeched to a halt, mind full of only shock.

As suddenly as it had started, it stopped. Black Hat broke the kiss and leaned away. He asked, “How was that?”

“...”

“Flug, quit your cowering and answer m--”

In the blink of an eye, Flug ran from Black Hat’s grasp and down the hall, practically leaving a cartoon dust silhouette where he once was. Stunned, Black Hat stared at his empty hands as if expecting a trace of the scientist lingering there. He absently licked his lips, picking up traces of Flug’s taste; of chapstick and flesh.

It was a surprisingly sweet taste. Not sweet like sugar--oh, how he hated sweets,  _ bleugh! _ \--but sweet as in...pleasant. He licked his lips again, but only tasted his acidic saliva.

_ “W--Well, for those who celebrate Christmas, it’s a tradition to hang mistletoe above their doors and….If--If two people are under it, then you have to--to--to kiss them,”  _ echoed Flug’s voice through Black Hat’s mind.

He wanted to savor that taste again, and he knew just how to do it.

**Author's Note:**

> Paperhat x mistletoe = yes, so much yes!! <3
> 
> Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, and have happy holidays!


End file.
